11 Tips To Stop You Looking Super Desperate
The first interactions with a woman that you’re interested in can make or break attraction, these initial interactions more or less set the path for the rest of the journey you will have with her, and to ensure you get it right we’re going to cover 11 tips to stop you looking desperate.
Once you’ve started implementing these new rules into your life I can guarantee that you will have a much better chance out there in the dating world because most guys don’t know what you’re about to learn, providing you do read everything in this post and absorb it. Consider the information below the Ying to your Yang.
Remember to give her space, but not too much space
There’s a fine line between messaging a girl too much, and not messaging her enough. You need to let her know you’re interested in her, but at the same time if you’re messaging her every day she’s going to feel like you’re way more invested than she is. The exception here is that if she initiates conversation with you first, in that case she is probably into you too and you should just exchange messages as normal.
I’d also like to mention if you know where the girl lives, or where she works. Don’t decide to show up randomly at either her home or her workplace, it’s going to put her on edge and you’ll be throwing off a kind of stalker vibe, if you want to do this simply ask her “Hey, is it okay if I swing by your place later to say hello?” she will appreciate that a lot more, if she doesn’t want you to show up she will simply make up an excuse.
The other end of the spectrum is giving her too much space, let’s be realistic here we know the girls we like are talking to other men too, and the last thing you want to do is allow her to think that you’ve lost interest in her.
Sending another text/message after being blanked
I know how frustrating it can be when you’ve finally plucked up the courage to message a girl you’re really interested in getting to know, but after a couple of messages she goes completely silent. You shrug it off thinking she will reply later, and you wait for a response that never comes. Things get to the point where you’re thinking, is she ignoring me? So you decide to send her another message, no you do not.
What you need to do instead of sending the dreaded “double message” is just relax, believe it or not she has a life too, she could be on her way to the gym, or maybe she’s at work, or maybe she just doesn’t want to reply to you. No matter what the reason for her lack of response is, sending her another message is going to make you come across as intense, she’ll probably be expecting you to ask her to marry you 3 weeks after meeting her.
Girls like guys who are laid back and relaxed, if you’re sending second messages when she hasn’t responded to you not only is it telling her that you’re not laid back, but it’s also telling her that you’re easily frustrated. If you don’t hear back from her leave her alone for a couple of days, yes that also means not liking her Facebook posts or Instagram photos.
And if she is still blanking you after that, put her out of your mind and find another girl you like. You would be surprised how many times this has happened to me, and then a year later I’ve found myself in bed with the same girl who was ignoring me, life works in mysterious ways.
One more thing you should most definitely never do is ask her if she got your last message, Telecommunications Providers and Facebook go through enormous amounts of effort to make sure all texts/messages sent are received. So don’t send her another message, and never send a double message making a joke about her being too busy for you or something of that nature.
Declaring your feelings to a girl you’re just friends with
This typically happens if you’ve been too scared to flirt with a girl, often out of fear of rejection, and instead you’ve tried to play the long game by being a “great friend” to her in order to create some attraction, however this has just sunk your ship deeper into the sticky mud that is the “friend zone” because flirting and creating attraction is absolutely essential before you mention your feelings about her, if you even have to mention them.
Flirting is the key to the heavenly city gate which you’re banging on eagerly waiting to enter, however without flirting and letting her know your sexual intentions, there’s a 9.5/10 chance that you’re never going to enter the city because you’ve not created any attraction, and at the end of the day flirting with a girl is what really turns her on.
So you decide it’s time to declare your feelings to a girl, you tell her how much you want to be with her, that you’ll treat her better than any other guy in the world, and you basically enter salesman mode trying to flog yourself to this girl. Only two things can happen in this situation, the first and most frequently reoccurring phrase is “I don’t want to ruin our friendship”.
Alternatively, she decides to give it a shot because she knows you’re a lovely guy, then later on things fall apart when she realises that she isn’t sexually attracted to you, and the only sexual attraction she has towards you, is the same sexual attraction she has towards her dinner plates.
Always remember to create attraction, or you’re basically throwing yourself into the “friend zone” screaming “I don’t want to have sex with you, ever!”.
Know when it’s time to stop talking to her
This is quite an important one that has worked well for me, when you finally get talking to a girl it’s brilliant and you may want to talk to her for the rest of the day/night. But if I’ve learned anything from talking to hundreds of women it’s that once you’ve got them interested in you and what you have to say, it’s time to stop talking to them for a short period. I personally love doing this because it leaves her wanting more and it creates attraction which is exactly what you want to do, this applies to texting, messaging on Facebook, or just talking in real life.
Not only does it leave her curious and wanting to know more, but it works well to reinforce the fact that you have a great lifestyle, you have friends, hobbies, interests, and that your sole undivided attention can not be had so easily.
Just to clarify I don’t mean you should abruptly stop talking to a girl and walk away, or completely blank her messages but instead say something like “I’ve got to go catch up with some friends, but I’ll message you tomorrow maybe? :)” this is my personal favourite because it leaves uncertainty in her mind whether you will or will not message her, she may even message you first tomorrow.
By not dragging out conversations until they lose momentum you will seem like a high quality guy with a great lifestyle, and more importantly you won’t come across desperate or needy.
Be careful what you like on Facebook & Instagram
Imagine if you’re a girl and you’ve just accepted a guy on Facebook and suddenly he’s started liking pictures and posts from 3 years ago, you’re going to feel like he’s really desperate and maybe a little creepy for browsing that far back.
If you want to browse the pictures and posts, I would suggest you don’t as may find things you didn’t want to find, but if you do remember not to like/interact with the old images/posts, and more importantly don’t mention the things or make references to them because, if she figures out you’ve stalked her back to 2004 she will either feel flattered, or most likely be completely weirded out and stop talking to you.
I hate to point out the obvious but don’t like every single status update and picture the girl you like posts on Facebook, again this will not only make you look desperate but it will also make it abundantly clear that you have no life (try to pretend like you do, even if you don’t), or that you have post notifications for her which is even creepier.
I’d also like to point out that if you’ve just added a girl on Facebook, it’s best not to start following her on Instagram, Twitter, Tumblr, and Pinterest regardless if she lists them on her profile, it’s weird since you’ve only just added the girl feel free to browse through her Instagram, I can think of much better uses of your time but it’s not the end of the world, just don’t start liking things and making it abundantly clear that you’re stalking her.
Don’t send her longer messages than she sends you
I can understand this might be a confusing one but in the eyes of a girl, if she’s just given you a short sentence and you respond with a small story, it looks bad for you. It makes you look a little desperate and heavily invested way too early on, exchanging big messages is absolutely fine but only once words have turned into sentences, that then turn into paragraphs, through multiple exchanges of messages. This might come sooner than expected naturally, or you might have to work on talking about things that interest her to get her to expand her messages.
As a general rule try to keep your messages the same length as hers or a little shorter, I’m not telling you to send 3 word replies that will make it sound like you have hardly any interest in the girl, and I know you might have more information to tell her that requires the extra space, but just try to keep it equal or a little shorter.
Stop worrying about girls not liking you back
The moment you stop worrying about the girl you like not liking you back is the same moment you become appealing to that girl and others, it’s a well known fact that women like things they can’t have. If your actions and responses aren’t based upon neediness and hunger for a relationship or to get a specific girl, this will shine through and she will become more attracted to you.
When you stop worrying about these things, it naturally helps you become the laid back guy that women are interested in.
What you need to be asking yourself instead is “Do I like this girl?” or “Would this girl be great for me in the long-term?”, of course there is a small part in my brain saying “Does she like me?” but the most important thing is making sure you like the girl, and not worrying about her liking you which will influence your actions, and maybe even help you ruin your chances.
Learn to overcome the fear of being alone, or the fear of not being accepted by a girl because of any flaws you may have, because these fears will dramatically affect the life choices you make, how you carry yourself, and the things you say.
Always being available for her at any time
It’s never a good idea to tell a girl that you’re “Free whenever she is available” because what you’re basically telling her is “I’ve not even met you yet and I’m already totally invested in the idea of you and I will drop everything to meet you”. Instead what you need to do is create a high quality lifestyle because that’s what girls are attracted to, you could lie and say you’re going to the gym that day but we all know that eventually, the chickens will come home to roost.
What you should do instead when you’re making plans with a girl you’re interested in is choose a set day to hangout, and if she isn’t available I’m sure she will let you know a better day for her, which just happens to be a day you’re free, lucky her. By doing this you’re not only being a leader and having a plan, which girls love. You’re also indicating that you’re not always available and that you’re a guy doing something with their life.
You might get away with ignoring this advice with girls with self confidence issues, but if you want a high quality girl you have to be a high quality guy, what this means is you need to fill your time with friends, hobbies, interests, work, gym, and anything else you can think of that will make you a better person. Who’s a high quality girl going to choose? The guy with no hobbies who is lazy and just sits at home playing games and waiting for her to reply, or the guy who has hobbies, friends, a fun lifestyle that she can be a part of, I think we both know.
Asking her about things she did today/yesterday
Try to avoid asking the girl you like what she got up to today, I honestly only ever ask her if she sets me up for the question by saying something like “I had such a great day today” or “Today was so awful” because she wants to tell me about her day. When you get talking to a girl, and really start getting to know her you will learn to know what she likes, who she hangs around with, and where she goes on a regular basis which should be a totally natural process which will develop over a period of time, this should not be something you ask or demand to know.
If you try digging to find out who she was with, you will just come across as being jealous, insecure, and controlling. You have to remember that at the end of the day she doesn’t belong to you, what she does in her own romantic life is none of your business, and until you’re in an exclusive relationship, it’s remains of your business.
By not asking her if she’s talking to other guys, you’re actually proving to her that you’re a confident male who doesn’t fear any competition because you know your own worth.
Don’t lie to a girl she will find out the truth eventually
I have a friend who lied to a girl to impress her because he thought she was a little bit out of his league, let’s call him Dave and her Lisa for the sake of this story. Dave got talking to Lisa on PlentyOfFish which is a dating site for single men & women, they exchanged numbers and begun talking on Whatsapp, eventually Lisa asked Dave whether he drives. Dave decided to lie to her and say that he does drive, which in fact he hasn’t even taken his first test yet.
Down the line she wonders why Dave is getting the train to meet her and not driving there, so she asks him why he isn’t driving his car to which Dave responds it’s being worked on at the moment.
Eventually Dave convinces Lisa to get the train down to meet him at his place, they have a couple of drinks and things get interesting so they take it to the bedroom, one thing leads to another and Lisa asks Dave if he has a condom. So Dave tells Lisa to reach into the top draw to grab one, unfortunately for Dave he forgot he had left his brand new provisional driving licence right next to the condoms.
Lisa asked Dave why he had a new provisional licence in his draw, Dave mumbled for a moment then said that he had been banned in an attempt to cover up the fact he had lied about having a full licence, Lisa being the smart girl she was knew he was lying got dressed and left.
The moral of the story here is, don’t lie about anything and just be yourself because at the end of the day that’s who you want her to like you for. Not to mention that girls, or women especially are like private private investigators and will always find out the truth. This applies to everything don’t feel like you need to lie to impress her, if she loves a movie you’re not a huge fan of, don’t tell her that you love it too.
I’m sure you know by now that if you have lied to a girl or a woman, she finds it hard to believe anything you tell her afterwards because you’ve broken her trust. If you tell the truth, you don’t have to remember anything.
Discussing an exclusive relationship super early on
Men like to think that once they’ve had a few fantastic dates with a girl they like, that they’ve got her in the net, they’re totally convinced that she’s the ideal girl for them and want to make sure she’s as committed as they are. But more importantly they want to ensure that she isn’t going to be seeing any other men.
The majority of girls don’t actually know if they want to become exclusive with a guy until a fair number of dates, and usually not until they’ve had sex with the guy. I mean many women will say sex doesn’t matter, but the truth is sex does matter, for men and women. Girls are very emotional beings and the more emotion and time you put into them, the more attached they will become to you, and with sex being one of the most emotionally engaging acts a woman can take part in, it goes a long way in her decision whether or not you’re a suitable partner.
So the best advice I can give you is, go on a bunch of dates with a girl, have sex, and see how you both feel afterwards. If things continue on as they were, or get even better then you know it’s probably time to have the relationship talk with her.
I hope that I’ve taught you some valuable lessons today because my fingers are killing me, if you want to learn more about the things I’ve discussed above in more detail, and learn tonnes of other very useful tips for understanding women, I suggest you check out the MakeHerCraveYou guide by Slade Shaw by clicking here, it’s cram packed with helpful information and is one of the guides that turned my dating life around.
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